“What are you doing?”
Many people ask me this question. In fact I have to answer it almost every day. I go home and sitting there is some relative or family friend whom I don’t have any recollection of, and the conversation is something like this:
“Hello. How are you, son?”
“I’m doing good. How are you?” (The real question in my mind : “Who are you??”)
“What are you doing?” (Walking into my own house, obviously)
“I’m working for Cognizant.”
“Oh, is that a software company? Where is it?” (What else can it be?)
“Yes. Our office is at Hitec City.”
“Oh, so far! Isn’t it tiring to travel so far every day?”
“It is, but I got used to it.” (But not to this. I don’t exactly like interviews in the middle of the night)
“That’s nice. So what is it that you do? Write software?”
This is the question I had been dreading all along. I feel like shouting, but for what? What exactly do I do anyway? Am I simply someone who writes code? Or am I something more? I try to get into my mind the definition of “software” from my college text book. It goes something like “a collection of computer programs, along with associated documentation…”.
So is that what i’m writing? A collection of programs? And what part of it exactly? And what happened to all the things we had learnt in our four years of engineering education? Gone… evaporated without a trace?
Then I realize that the real question is not what I’m doing, but what I want to do. Am I doing what I wanted to do? The answer still eludes me. Again I realize that there is planning to do. Priorities to be sorted out.
My dad is passionate about my higher studies. I was too. Until I started working. Until I was too busy even to go home, leave aside study and prepare for the exams. I read a few articles about how to strike a balance between work and life. I am still clueless about how to implement the ideas they convey. Maybe i’m not paying enough attention. Maybe I’m plain stupid, thats all.
One of these days, I will have to wake up from the long reverie that life has become. I will have to wake up and take action. To chase my dreams. To achieve my ambitions.
I have a feeling that day is coming soon.
Happy new year.